Fertility Info

Infertile couples feel that they have failed in something that should be natural. They see reproduction as an expectation, or role that they are suppose to be able to do. Having failed to produce a baby creates an emotional blow individually and as a couple. Males and females suffer emotionally in different ways. Overcoming the emotional toll of infertility can be accomplished with patience and understanding.

Females:

The female may yearn for some kind of emotional connection or interaction with her partner, but at the same time feel that if she exchanges with him her real feeling that she will somehow disappoint him. She has a need to protect his vulnerability as a man.

Women tend to take on more of the emotional baggage of the process: the pain, anger, and fear.

Weight of the female can play a role in infertility but it is never the sole reason for infertility. The overweight female feels shame and may blame herself for their inability to conceive. She may feel depressed over her weight, but if she is made to feel that it may be the reason they cannot have a baby, she will feel even worse about her weight. This may lead to depression and added stress.

After a failed IVF the female usually just will not feel like talking about it, until she has had time to process the loss.

Males:

Men feel helpless to make the situation better. Men need to “fix” things and infertility has no easy or quick fix.

Men feel overwhelmed by the intensity of their partner’s emotions. They also feel that they themselves are incapable of expressing their own emotions.

Husbands can feel sad when their SA turns out with bad numbers (low motility or low morphology).

Both:

IVF’s are expensive. The cost alone causes emotional turmoil for the couple. How can they justify the all the expense? Some couples even have to take out 2nd or 3rd mortgages to pay for multiple IVF’s. They go heavily into debt in the hopes of achieving success in that next IVF.

IVF can be emotionally and physically draining, not only over the cost but also over the failures that somehow seem to mock their attempts. The cost alone is pressure to succeed. When a couple spends on average $10,000 and still meets with failure the blow can be crushing.

One of the emotional tolls faced by couples is the cycle. Each cycle contains a whole host of emotions. There are the up and downs of each cycle. The hope at the beginning, that this may be it, the one cycle that results in a baby. Then there is the nail biting that must be endured during the two-week wait between ovulation and the pregnancy test. Will the test be positive or negative? The female analyzes every twinge and cramp, to see if quite possibly there is a hint at what the test may reveal. The emotional roller coaster climbs high with every twinge and comes crashing down if the symptom disappears. The two-week wait is filled with conflicting symptoms that may be due to fertility drugs or they may in fact be due to early pregnancy hormones.

Another emotional toll is the friendly questions asked by those who know about the fact that they couple are trying to have a baby. Co-workers, friends, family members all asking if they are pregnant yet. The questions may create emotions of anxiety, or fear of failure or of disappointing others. They may feel pressured or judged by others who may not be as aware of the trials of infertility.